Been working on my response
I know just what to say
I’ll tell her she’s the sunshine
That just brightened my day

The minute that she asks me
How I feel today?
I’ll be ready for her
Yes, I’ll know just what to say

I’m doing well
Thanks so much for asking… I’m doing well
 
Nice to hear from you
Was thinking of you too
Thanks for asking… I’m doing well

Sun shining through my cage
Snow falling on the ground
It was warm when I last saw her
I’m sure she’ll come around

I wonder if she thinks of me
Does she wonder how I am?
Does she miss the way I look at her?
Does she even give a damn?

I’m doing well
In case you’re curious… I’m doing well
 
Love to hear from you
Say “I’m thinking of you too”
Thank you for asking… I’m doing well

A song comes on the radio
It’s Isaak’s Wicked Games
Summing up just how I feel
But I’ve only myself to blame

Looking at her picture
Wishing she’d say hello
Can’t seem to get her off my mind
I guess she’ll never know

I’m doing well
That I’ve been so lost without her
I’m doing well
If she ever asks I’ll tell her
…. I’m doing well

I can still remember the exact time I wrote this song. It just so happened to be my birthday and probably the worst day I experienced during my cancer treatment. It started by waking up around 2:00 a.m. when my ileostomy bag leaked everywhere and I had to throw all my bedding in the laundry. It was bit of a mess so I had a shower, attached a new bag, and got ready for my chemotherapy treatment. I was too tired and zombie like to think straight or get upset, so I decided to just get dressed and wait for the laundry to finish.

My chemo days typically consisted of driving an hour to the hospital, getting blood work completed, waiting about four hours for the test results, four hours of chemo treatment, then going home with a small pump attached to me. The pump looked similar to a big baby bottle with a two foot tube sticking out of it. They installed a small catheter inside my chest to make the process easier, so all they had to do was attach one end of the tube to the catheter and I’d carry the pump; it gave me another two days worth of chemo treatment.  It almost sounds like something out of a science fiction novel, but it was a lot better than going to the hospital every day like some of the others had to do.

This particular day I also had a follow up appointment with my Oncologist. To make things worse, the parking garage was full so I had to park across the street at a hockey arena. Normally not a big deal, however one of the side effects of this type of chemo was it made me extremely sensitive to the cold; and it was bitterly cold that day. When I finished my treatment and returned to my car, it was covered with snow and the windows were all frozen. By the time I removed the snow and scraped my windows, my hands and feet felt like there were a gazillion little electrical shocks going through them, I could hardly breathe, and my eyes burned from the moisture. To top things off,  when I got in my car I noticed I was almost out of gas and needed to stop and fill up. It actually made me laugh and shake my head when I noticed the gauge indicating I was low on fuel. I must have been a sorry sight at the gas station for anyone who noticed me handling the pump like it was a hot metal plate.

When I finally got home I felt so sick and tired I went right to bed. It was always difficult to sleep with the bag attached to my side and pump attached to my chest, so I just lied there trying to get warm and thought about my day. I looked up at one point and said “is there any more, you know you still have a couple hours left?” I’m not sure if God always appreciated my humor, but that was ok, I had a little trouble finding his that funny at times as well; especially that day.

When I got up the next day I realized I hadn’t received a message from the woman I was dating before my treatment. I still missed her and she was on my mind a lot at the time, but I hadn’t heard from her in months. For some strange and completely irrational reason I thought she might pick my birthday to say hello and ask how I was doing. I had already determined I’d tell her I was doing well and my day just got a little brighter hearing from her, but the message never came. The sensible side of me reminded me what a fool I was and told me to smarten up, however that side of me seemed to be losing a lot of clout lately and I remained somewhat disappointed. One of my weaker moments and certainly not my proudest, but I couldn’t complain…. it did inspire me to write another song.

To be continued…..